‘Roses are red, violets are blue, I’ve got five fingers and the middle ones for you…’
Valentine’s Day: The one day every year where men across the globe profess their love for their woman; lavishing them with flowers and chocolates, wining and dining them and pulling out all the stops just to show them how very special they are. It’s a day for lovers to bask in the joy and love that they share for one another. Shops everywhere will become adorned with pink and red foiled chocolate hearts, cute little teddy bears and silk rose petals…
I mean, it’s a no from me. (and for good reason, don’t write me off just yet – keep reading!)
No-one really knows the real reason behind why Valentines is celebrated, but before I get into why I’m boycotting this annual day of consumerism ‘love’, let’s just take a quick look at the dark and muddled truth behind it all…
Once again, all paths lead back to Rome! From the 13th – 15th of Feb, the Romans would celebrate Lupercalia. During this time, the men would sacrifice a dog and a goat. Then, with the skins of the animals they had just killed, would proceed to whip women with them! Young women would literally line up and wait for these lashes because they thought it would make them more fertile (lashes, ladies – lashes! Is that what we’re doing now? If they’re not going on my eyes then I’m not about it!). The name Valentines itself, could be derived from the fact that Emperor Claudius II executed two men named Valentine on the 14th Feb and their martyrdom went on to be revered by the Catholic Church with the celebration of St Valentines Day. From there, it all just spiralled out of control and then, Hallmark jumped on the bandwagon with Valentines cards in 1913 and in doing so, changed the world as we once knew it, forever.
Last year, in the UK alone, the overall sales for Valentine’s Day reached £620 million! That’s insane! This holiday has become so ingrained in the very fabric of our society that it is now quite literally, a cultural event which people are pressured and obligated to conform to. Valentine’s Day, in its simplest of truths: is a show of so-called ‘love’ through how much you spend on this one day. Which, if you ask me, is pretty ridiculous, right?
I’m not going to front…
In all honesty, I used to be all about Valentines. Over the years, on this day, there was nothing I’d want more than for the person I was seeing to make me feel special, appreciated and loved. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about going all out – I wasn’t expecting fireworks and violins! I just wanted to see some effort. More often than not, I was left feeling disappointed and underwhelmed. It genuinely took me some time to realise that the reason I felt this way is because I placed so many false ideals on this day and held unrealistic expectations of what Valentines is supposed to mean and represent. Ultimately, I was in relationships where I didn’t feel truly valued or appreciated, so I’d look to this day with a glimmer of hope to feel all the butterflies and appreciation that was missing all year round.
Now that I’m in an extremely healthy and loving relationship, I’ve realised that Valentine’s Day is meaningless. I don’t think that there should be just one day of the year where we celebrate our love for our partners. This one day means nothing. What really matters is what you do and the love you continue to give to your partner all 365 days of the year. I don’t need JayCee to take me for a fancy overpriced dinner in an overcrowded restaurant to show me that he loves me. I have no desire whatsoever, for him to spend money on such a trivial day to prove his love for me, just because society tells him that he needs to! He quite honestly treats me like an absolute Queen and shows me he loves me every single day.
The really important question to ask ourselves is; how are we making our loved ones feel the ‘Hallmark cards, fancy dinners and chocolate lovehearts’ that is Valentines Day, all-year round?
Here’s a few of the things, that JayCee does 365 to show his love:
- After I’ve had a long day and I get home exhausted, he’ll have cooked me dinner, cleaned and lit up our apartment with countless candles.
- He sends me a message every morning wishing me a good day and then checks in on me to see how I’m doing.
- He tries to run me a bath full of epsom salts, bath bombs and all that goodness, ALL the time (I’m not a huge fan of baths so I do turn him down often).
- He takes out the bins because he knows I hate doing them.
- He leaves me little notes when I wake up in the morning.
- He buys me red roses every week because he knows that I love having them in our home.
- He wakes up at 6am on his days off to train me in the gym.
- When it’s that time of the month, he knows without me saying a word and has stocked up our treat drawer with all my favourite chocolates.
- He makes sure I have ripe avocados at all times (major key).
- He doesn’t pull the blanket back over to his side when I steal it during the night.
- He rubs my back when I wake up every morning (whilst he’s still asleep).
- No matter how many bags of shopping there is, he won’t let me carry a single one.
- He sends me cute spontaneous little messages letting me know that he appreciates and loves me.
- He lets me buy crunchy peanut butter even though he likes smooth.
- He makes me the most delicious coffee (starbucks got nothing on him) whenever I ask.
- He surprises me with spontaneous weekends away.
- He makes me feel so safe and protected.
- He decorated our entire second room in beautiful blush and rose gold tones (he knows I love those colours) just so we would have a space to write and meditate.
- He’s taking us away to Mexico (yaaaaaass tequila).
- He listens to me and I mean, really listens every time I speak.
- He constantly reminds me of my own worth and power.
To list all of the wonderful things that JayCee does, would be too long for this post but I hope it’s an insight into how, the supposedly ‘little things’ are actually the ‘big things’. Above all, Love is the language of the universe – it is every frequency and every vibration. It is the most beautiful thing there is and it celebrating it shouldn’t be limited to once a year.
Aside from the obvious commercialisation of this day, there are countless other reasons why I choose not to partake in Valentine’s. Though, with that being said, if you do choose to celebrate – do so, whilst making sure that the 365 days that follow are filled with just as much love, appreciation and dedication; not just for your partner but for yourself too!
Remember, no one can ever love you until you learn to love yourself first…
Love and Peace
– Jasmine Reinah xo